Sex Positive

Most of us, gay and straight alike, feel that having a life-long partner is preferable to going through life alone or with a series of affairs or short-term relationships. There is much in our culture that supports this notion, from the large number of tax benefits given to married couples, to the countless themes of Sunday morning church services. And while we idealize this idea in movies, television shows, novels and fairy tales, forging a successful long-term relationship is quite another story.

Statistics over the last few decades show that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce though the number has been decreasing slightly in recent years. Among the most commonly reported reasons are problems related to sex, especially the loss of intimacy and infidelity. Yet we still underestimate the importance of sex in our relationships, placing it low on the list of priorities. Collectively, we fail to appreciate sex as a spiritual and psychological affirmation of life.

Humor is a big joke on us all. It’s one huge paradox. While it seems unconditionally benevolent, stimulating laughter and good feeling, it is often cruel, destructive, and manipulative.

So says Betty Swords. And she should know. For over twenty-five years, starting in 1955, she was a professional humorist. She sold her cartoons to the major magazine markets, including Saturday Evening Post, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, Ladies Home Journal, Changing Times. She also produced a considerable quantity of humorous writing for such publications as McCall’s, Modern Maturity, Christian Science Monitor, and others. And beginning in 1976, Swords taught college courses in the power of humor and lectured widely on the subject.

...And then I realized that the punching bag was always a woman. “Marriage is seen as bad,” she went on, recollecting the experience as we talked on the patio in back of her Denver home in June 1995. And she cited examples of one-liners to prove her point:

Married life is great—it’s my wife I can’t stand.

He was unlucky in both his marriages—his first wife left him. And his second one won’t.

A bachelor’s last words—I do.

“Marriage is seen as horrible because it meant that the man had lost his freedom,” she continued.